Welcome foolish mortals

TL; DR: I’m putting myself through uncomfortable shit this year so I can heal some old wounds, learn self-discipline, and get financially stable along the way. The way I’m going to do this is a No-Buy Year and creating content about Disney.

This isn’t a vanity project. It’s about trying to finally learn how to have self-discipline. The format I’m choosing to do this in is a “No-Buy Year” (which will be explained below in case you aren’t a YouTube junkie like me). I decided to start a website because while I do plan to make videos, I also find that I can communicate better when I write. It will also serve as a journal of sorts, tracking my progress and setbacks. I will also be spending some of the downtime that I will gain from not shopping by creating blog posts and possibly videos about Disney Parks as well as other Disney related topics! These posts will be hosted on this site.

A bit about me so you can better undstand why I’m doing this, and if you see yourself here and may want to follow along.

I’m 41. Single. Cat mom x 2. Disney Adult. Importantly I’m an only child. In fact, I was an only grandchild on my mom’s side until I was 10 or 11. If that’s not the life you’ve ever had, imagine getting hoards of gifts at Christmas and birthdays (almost exactly 1 month later) that could rival Mount Olympus. I was also the product of divorced parents, who would eventually re-marry and later divorce again, so I had MANY families to get gifts from at holidays.

I was also lucky to have grown up in a household where we weren’t struggling financially. When I was 5-7 my step-dad was in law school so once he graduated we were ok financially. We were never rolling in dough, but it wasn’t a struggle (at least as far as I could tell as a kid anyway).

Stories abound about me not understanding money. “I don’t have money for that” - Person X. “So just write a check/use your card” - Me. I’m sure I was told “no” at some point but I really can’t remember that happening, unless it was close to Christmas.

The point is that I had all of my basic needs met and then some. Rarely was I not able to get what I wanted, when I wanted it, and that was a problem. I’m sure my parents and family meant well, but this created a set of problems for me that they didn’t intend for me to have.

*side story: I once had a huge fight with my mom, first and only time this happened. She was crying. I was vindictive (and to this day I don’t feel bad about that. I was vicious, but for once I stood up for myself). “You’re so selfish!” she said. “WHO DO YOU THINK MADE ME THAT WAY?!”. I digress…*

There was a time in my life when I did struggle financially. The one luxury I afforded myself when I lived alone for the first time was cable tv and DVR. I rarely went out. I did see films but only because I worked at the cinema and could watch them for free. There were months where I was barely able to pay my bills. I remember I once sold something on eBay and got $200. I felt so rich in that time. I was able to eat more than ramen, cereal, and sandwiches. I felt a lot of pressure lifted off my shoulders if only for a short while.

That feeling of financial insecurity persists.

I am basically two versions of myself constantly at war: the child who got everything she wanted and has no patience, and the young woman who had no money and could barely afford to live.

Oil and water.

And, like most Americans, I was not taught personal finance.

Later in life I chose a career path that has great pay along with an astounding amount of student-loan debt. I have swung from having outrageous shopping sprees (inner child) once I started “making good money” to not spending anything extra so I can pay off debt because it feels like I’m going to be penniless and I won’t do that again (young woman).

That cycle…shopping to buy new and exciting things and then paying it all off…is still happening. It’s happening now.

Oh, did I tell you I’m also an aspiring minimalist? And that having loads of things around me, especially if it’s visible clutter, makes me really anxious? But because I’m anxious buying new makeup makes me feel better?

You see my problem.

Since 2018 or so, definitely 2019, I found Hannah Louise Poston on YouTube and the concept of the No-Buy Year. I’d never heard of it, nor of r/MakeupRehab.

*side story: when I was in school, maybe 2012-ish, I found Beauty YouTube and was hooked. In fact I was making weekly YT makeup videos (every Tuesday and posted on Wednesdays). Don’t go looking - you won’t find those videos. When I think back now on just how much makeup I had because each week I was at Sephora buying the newest thing so I could make videos…my heart rate just skyrocketed. The iconic 2013 Alexa 9-drawer that every Beauty YouTuber had? Yep, I bought it. Actually I still have it just not for makeup. You can bet your sweet ass that it was once full of beauty supplies though.*

Because of HLP’s videos and seeing how it helped her, I thought it would work for me too. The inner-minimalist in me also loved the idea of culling my makeup collection (and clothes, books, etc) down to only the things I truly loved.

Oh, another side note (sorry, I’m a bit tangential but it is relevant I promise) - I also found Dave Ramsey. While I don’t necessarily subscribe to all of his preachings, I was able to take his class and pay off a lot of debt. Several credit cards. I even paid off the car I had (but a month later the inner child in me screamed “YOU CAN FINALLY H AVE THE TESLA YOU’VE WANTED FOR 10 YEARS” so of-fucking-course I went out and bought it. The cheapest model they had, but still…no patience).

Now equipped with a better grasp on personal finance and inspiration/motivation, I embarked on my own No-Buy Year.

It lasted about six weeks.

I fell off the wagon and was never able to get back on.

This time is different.

I know, I know - “ha, you tried this before, and EVERYONE says ‘this time it’s different’ so why would this be any different?”

Therapy.

I’m also going into it now knowing it will be hard. While I was excited before, and a part of me still is, I know this will be a struggle, but this time I have a support system that I didn’t before. This time it’s not just about being more financially secure. It’s also about how to set goals for myself, even ones that will knowingly make me uncomfortable, and importantly how to stick to it even when I don’t want to. To deprive myself of a coping mechanism, a security blanket, and see what pops up.

As an added benefit I will save money. I recently bought a townhouse (I closed a few days ago and haven’t even moved in yet). Doing that is exciting. It’s also triggering the young woman in me who feels like half of her savings was depleted in one fell swoop and holy-shit-what-if-you-lose-your-job-again-and-now-you-don’t-have-6-months-of-savings-you-need-to-get-that-back. The stress dreams I had last night alone were outstanding. I don’t know how I’m even awake enough now to type this out.

I suppose another way to look at this is to parent the young inner-child in me, and soothe the inner-young-woman as well, all so that I can learn resiliency, grit, self-discipline on the way to achieving my dreams for future-Lauren.

It will be a project for sure.

There are lots of ways to do a “No-Buy”. The length of time and what you choose to not spend money on are individual choices. For me, the elevator pitch is “I’m not going to buy more objects”. If I run out of something, and I want to keep that in my life, I can replace it. The end-goal is to have fewer items at the end, more money saved, and heal some old emotional wounds.

In a separate post I’ll list out my rules. I will also make a video to put on YouTube so if that’s more your jam then you can watch it there. I’ll be sure to either link it in the blog post itself or put it on its own page (I’m new to Squarespace so I’m learning how it works here. Stay tuned!)